Afraid of Change

Recently someone told me they thought I was afraid of change and at first I was offended.

Who? Me? Afraid of change? “I don’t think so,” I thought to myself. I mean, seriously, my whole life has been about taking calculated and sometimes not so calculated risks.

Several years ago when I was just 26, I left a great paying job to start up a staffing agency with a business partner. We worked hard together to create a thriving business and she supported me when I abandoned her not once, but twice to have babies. When my daughters were only six and nine, I was somehow still managing the business, volunteering in the community and working towards my degree in public relations.

Not long after my convocation, I sold my interest in the business, left my husband, sold my house and bought a condo for me and the girls.

So when someone tells me they think I am afraid of change, I think, no, it’s not change I am afraid of, but the consequences that come from making changes. I have no regrets, but I do realize now that the decisions I made affected many other people. My ex business partner, my ex-husband, my children, my parents, my friends….the list goes on. I am all for change and adaptation, but the difference is now I consider the outcomes of my decisions before I act.

Just a thought!

A Dollar Saved is.....

Two weeks into January and I am still really focused on my six goals for this year....this is a good sign since typically by the 15th of every year I have resigned myself to another year of failure.

2010 seems different somehow....

Not only did I set realistic goals, I also re-examined some of my past goals and tried to figure out why I couldn't accomplish them.

Every year for as long as I can remember I would set a goal for myself to make more money. Well, in my twenties this was fairly easy to do, but then once I started having children, went back to school and then switched careers it became more difficult to earn more money.

Not one to admit defeat easily...I asked myself, "how can I make more money this year?"

Well, a few options came to mind....

One, I could take on a part-time job.

Two, I could ask for a raise

Well, a part-time job doesn't work really well in my life with my daughters. It's hard enough scheduling family time and I can't ask for a raise since I work for a union.

And then it came to me.....

If I can't make more money.....I could always try to spend less money!

Why have I never thought of this before????

I wanted to make 10K more this year than I did last year.

Well, since the government would likely tax me at a 50 per cent tax rate....even if I did make $10,000 more....I would only see about $5000 at the end of the year.

So, if I save $5000 this year by cutting back I will end up the the extra five grand in my pocket.

No, this doesn't mean I am never going to order a tall, non-fat caramel corretto ever again, but it does mean that I am going to carefully track all of my spending and think twice before I splurge. I don't buy lattes everyday, but if I did I would be spending over $1400/year and I do like to go out for lunch...most of my lunches average between $15-20 each meal. If I go out for lunch three times a week for a year....that is $2800!

I think this strategy can work on many of your goals....

If you haven't had success in the past...take some time and try and figure out why your goals couldn't be achieved and see if you can find new ways to accomplish them, or set a different type of goal.

Just a thought!

New Year - New You!

One week into 2010, so how's it going so far?

My last entry for 2009 talked about the tough year everyone seemed to have...

During Christmas and New Years I heard a lot of talk from people about how 2010 is going to better.

Well, I too think 2010 is going to be a good year. It's the year of the Tiger. The year that brings about significant change. The last year of the Tiger, 12 years ago saw Microsoft introduce Google to the world and in other tiger years we saw the invention of the Bic pen, the Watergate scandal and the beginning of the World War I.

I heard something today which I thought was really powerful....

IF you want the world to change around you, You have to change yourself.

I like this...we can't expect positive things to happen to us magically, if you don't like your world then what are you going to do to change it?

Many people start of a new year with resolutions. I have tried this in the past and somehow always fail.

I have tried to write a huge list of all of the things I want to change, accomplish or quit, but haven't seen much success.

I have tried to change just one thing and, yet even that didn't seem to work, so I had a new thought for 2010.

I booked a meeting with three of my favorite people and asked them to come to this meeting prepared to share three goals for 2010.

All three arrived ready, excited and possibly a bit nervous about our meeting.

I told my friends,

There are three steps to setting goals.

1. Think of your goal
2. Write it down
3. Tell someone about it

Makes sense...you need to think about what you want, write it down, so you can focus on it and then tell someone what it is that you want to achieve.

A word of caution...be careful who you trust with your goal. Not everyone wants to see you succeed. Tell someone who you know has your best interest at heart.

After we talked about the goal setting steps, I explained that each of us should only have six goals in which we want to accomplish.

It is important to maintain balance in all that we do and this includes where to focus our energy.

The areas we need to balance in our lives are:

Health and Wellness
Finance
Family
Relationships
Career
Personal

There might be some variance for people, but most of us should try to keep these areas balanced.

Family might mean spending more time with your children for one person, but connecting more with siblings for another.

IF you are not in a relationship then perhaps your goal is to meet someone...

Your goals should be able to be accomplished within a one year time frame and they must be measurable.

You can't say I want to work out more because this isn't measurable.

Your goal can be:

To start and contribute to an RESP for my children ($100/month) by January 31st.

or

I would like to play 30 rounds of tennis in 2010.

Both of these are measurable.

Once you have written down and discussed your goals it is important that you place them somewhere you will see them often.

We used big sticky sheets of paper and hung them in our en suite bath.

We are meeting again in two weeks to discuss our progress....

I look forward to hearing your success stories in 2010!

25 Days and Counting!

It's taken a few weeks for me to decide how to write this next blog. If you already read my posts you will know that I really try to see the positive in my life and always consider my glass half full; not half empty, but that being said.....I am really glad there are only 25 days left in 2009!

2009 has been a really difficult year for me and many of the people I love.

We faced tremendous loss this year. We experienced the loss of jobs, the loss of loved ones and the loss of friendships. With this came the loss of trust, faith and security.

We stopped believing in ourselves, others and society.

We questioned each other and questioned GOD! (or whatever higher power we choose to accept as truth)

We missed planes, taxis and opportunities. All of these costing us valuable time and money.

We were forced to make new plans and seek out new solutions for our challenges.

According to Chinese Astrology, 2009 was the year of the OX! When I first read this I thought well, that makes sense since no matter what we tried to do this year to make it easier, the OX stubbornly refused to let up and continued to challenge us, pushing us to our limits and sometimes beyond, but as I read further into the meaning of the OX year, I learned that the OX year will bring stability and growth in the years ahead and our patience and diligence will soon pay off.

Okay, so it's been a tough year, but we got through it and I believe that we can now embrace 2010 a lot stronger and more positive than ever.

So, here's to looking forward to 2010 - the year of the tiger!

Let's remember the battles we faced this year, the lessons we learned and remind ourselves we are stronger for these challenges and now are ready to take chances, start new projects and accept only success!

Wishing everyone a fruitful and prosperous new year!

Customer Service - What is this?

My friend Myles called me the other day to tell me about his frustrating shopping experience at Rona the other day. Apparently Myles was in a hurry (aren't we always?) and the person helping him behind the counter was unable to answer any of his questions, seemed unbothered by Myle's frustration and really didn't seem to have a clue about customer service.

This got me thinking...does customer service even exist any more?

I worked in a retail clothing store after I graduated from high school and I loved it. I liked the people I worked with, I liked the 20 per cent discount on clothing and I actually liked helping people! Seriously, I liked telling women what looked good on them, or helping all of those bewildered men at Christmas who were trying to shop for their wives. They came into the store with those deer in the headlight looks and almost always left feeling confident that their wives would cherish the boucle sweaters or fur trimmed jackets they just bought.

So what happened?

Why does it seem like everyone who works in customer service has a bad attitude and hates their job?

Not long ago I walked into a deli type of restaurant and went up to the counter to order. There were two people behind the counter talking. They would have both seen and heard me come in, but neither even glanced in my direction. I had to stand there patiently waiting for them to finish what I am sure was a very important conversation before I could order my sandwich.

"Really?" I thought to myself. WTF "Hello, I am a customer. I would like some service!"

And I had to laugh a few months back when Paul and I went to Pet Land. We were looking for some special type of fish food that we could leave in the tank while we went on vacation. We must have looked all over for about 15 minutes with no one offering to help us. We finally found what we thought we were looking for and went up to the front cash desk to pay. When we got to the desk we were greeted by two store staff.

The first asked if anyone helped us, so I tartly replied, "Nope we couldn't get help if though we desperately wanted it." The cashier must have not heard this remark because a few seconds later she turned to her co-worker and asked him if he was having busy day.

I laughed out loud when he replied, "Nah, it's dead in here. There are no customers."

I turned to Paul and said, "Ah hello, what are we?"

Television is not helping promote excellence in customer service...

I am referring to "Ryan" who works at A&W. In the last year, this guy has blown up the inflatable hamburger inside the restaurant, forgotten to ask the customers to pay for their meals and recently thought it was acceptable to order a burger from the drive thru when he was already knowingly late for work. This guy is an idiot and we are supposed to think it's funny that he seems incapable of handling the simplest tasks in a customer service environment.

How about Paul, the new guy who has been hired with Swiss Chalet. (NOT MY PAUL)This guy can't even manage to get through his first day of training before his boss realizes that he has walked away and instead is sitting in the restaurant enjoying lunch. The boss even remarks how, "Paul is going to go far in his career."

Are you kidding?

I certainly don't think my supervisor at Moxies twenty years ago would have been too happy to find me sitting in the restaurant digging into a plate of ribs on my first day!

Maybe instead of hiring people for customer services jobs we should offer them positions in customer tolerance.

Just a thought!

When Considering the Consequences

Any mother will tell you it's not easy raising children. You only want what's best for them. You want to protect them and you want to ensure they make only healthy choices.

Any mother will also tell you that it's impossible to ensure they only make healthy choices.

So while you can't prevent your children from making mistakes, you can teach them about CONSEQUENCES.


Has anyone ever told you that you will have to face the consequences or have you ever heard the expression you will have to pay for the consequences? How about suffer the consequences?

All of these idioms have a negative connotation. I prefer the quote, "There are no rewards or punishments, only consequences.

This just means you will need to be comfortable with your decision and prepared for the results of your actions.

When Jenna was only two I suggested we go to the park. It was early spring, so while the sun was shining, it was a bit chilly and kind of muddy. Jenna wanted to wear her new sandals. I told her to put on boots in case she stepped in a puddle or slipped on the wet ground. Jenna insisted she only wanted to wear the sandals, so I acquiesced and for the first time explained to her about consequences. I told her that it was her decision to wear sandals, so if she got her feet wet or ruined her new shoes it would be her responsibility. I told her that I wouldn't be mad if either of these things happened, but if it did she couldn't be upset with me. I can't remember, but I think we left the park virtually unscathed. I think her shoes were a bit wet, but no major melt downs occurred.

Shortly after this experience I became pregnant with Sierra. I went to my doctor and told her that considering I had a cesarean when I was pregnant with Jenna, I was not adverse to the idea of another c-section with Sierra. I also explained to my physician that if I was to have the cesarean I also wanted a tubal ligation. I wanted to have my tubes tied.

Now considering I was only 32, my doctor could have refused. Instead she looked me in the eye and told me I seemed like the kind of woman who could live with the consequences. I took her remark as a compliment. I knew the risks of a tubal ligation. I also knew I only wanted two children and I knew that if I ever changed my mind and wanted another baby I would have to remember I made a decision that had life-changing consequences.

There are small consequences and huge consequences. If you ruin your new shoes, you can always go out and buy another pair, but deciding to have your tubes tied likely means you will never be able to get pregnant again.

Yesterday, while I was driving Jenna and Sierra to school I brought up the topic of consequences with them.

I was trying to explain to them that some consequences will have lasting affects on their lives and limit choices they want to make in the future.

For example, I told them if they decide to skip school, or quit school that decision will have a lasting impact on their future. They will not be able to go to college or university. They will not be qualified for many careers and they very likely will limit their earning potential which will also limit their choices.

I talked to them about drinking, drugs, sex and all of the things that can have major life-altering consequences. (pregnancy, rape, addictions)

I then told them about a situation that happened twenty years ago....that still haunts me today.

In August 1990, I was working in an employment agency. It was my job to recruit and place staff in temporary job assignments. I met and interviewed an 18 year old named Tammy Thompson. I liked Tammy and placed her with a courier service in a short term temp assignment.

Every went well the first week and then on the second week, Tammy did not show up to work following a long weekend.

Apparently, on the Sunday morning Tammy and a friend were hanging out in a playground when they met a guy named Kelly Lackey. Kelly invited the girls back to his place to see Rock stickers or something and when they went home with him, he brutally raped them both and killed Tammy.

I didn't tell my daughters the gruesome details, so I will leave them out here as well, but I wanted to make my point with the girls and my point is this....

All of the choices we make will have consequences. Most of the consequences we make will have an impact on our lives, but some of the choices we make could have life or death consequences.


Just a thought!

Life without Jazz!

Within days of walking down the aisle seventeen years ago I decided I wanted to start a family. No, I wasn't looking to get pregnant...I wanted a pet, or more specifically a kitten. This sounded like a easy task, but actually it took nearly two months to find just the right type of kitten. I remember driving across the city to look at a new litter of Himalayan kittens and right away fell in love with one of them. I wasn't allowed to take my new pet home for another a few weeks, but did decide during our first meeting that I wanted to call him Jazz.

The cat breeder told me that Jazz was not enough of a name for a kitten of his breeding status. She told me that we needed to think bigger....and hence Classical Jazz was christened.

He also answered to Jazz-a-roo, Jazzers, fella, my boy and pancake face or PF for short.

We brought Jazz home to our condo and quickly became very attached to him.

I loved coming home everyday from work to find him curled up in the fruit bowl on the kitchen table. Hygienic? No, but damn did he look cute!

I thought Jazz was the most beautiful cat in the world. So much so that I entered him in a cat show. Jazz and I spent the weekend with surrounded by crazy cat people (we weren't crazy of course) and after two days of brushing, fluffing and primping Jazz he did come home with a ribbon. (He won 6th place or something) I decided after that weekend that I didn't need a room full of judges to tell me what I already knew...Jazz was the best cat ever!

When we purchased our first home a year later and Jazz had to put up with not only Doug and I, but also my brother and his friend Chris, who both came to live with us for a year and spent most of their time lazing about the couch and getting in Jazz's way.

Most people like having cats because they are so easy to have around and if you want to go away for a few days, you can just leave them enough water and food and they will be fine.

I didn't like to leave Jazz very often, but on the few occasions that I did...I would come home to find Jazz really pissed off at me. He would find a way to get back at me by breaking my valuables. Once he even climbed up on the ledge over my entrance way and edged my beautiful, black wedding present vase off the shelf for me to find broken as soon as I walked in the door.

He would also climb on the counter (again only when I had been away) and paw my drinking glass off the counter and onto the floor trying to break it in front of me.

Knowing Jazz did not like to be left at home I often found responsible cat sitters to take care of Jazz when we had a vacation planned.

Lisa and Eldon offered a few times to take care of Jazz and loved having him around so much...Lisa bought Eldon a cat for his birthday a few years ago. I know Eldon loves Maddy and Maddy has provided a sense of fulfillment to their lives. They both credit Jazz for showing them the joy a pet can bring into a home.

Jazz was an indoor cat, but occasionally liked to venture outdoors for a bit of exploring and adventure. We had just moved into a new home and Jazz wanted to go outside and into the back yard. I was sitting in the kitchen with Jenna who was only about two at the time when we heard a huge thump against the door. The door accidentally closed from the wind, so I ran to the door to open it and saw Jazz racing across the back lawn, chasing the neighbor's German Shepard, tail between it's legs back under the fence and under their deck. For weeks every time someone came to the house Jenna would race up to them and exclaim, "Jazz, door, bad dog, fence, good Jazz!" Obviously this traumatic story needed to be told over and over.

Jazz was such a great cat. Every year we would pack up the van and take Jazz on a six hour car trip to our family cabin in Shuswap. Jazz loved to wander outside and explore the great outdoors, but usually after an hour he was ready to come back inside and curl up in his favorite chair. One night however, Jazz must have snuck past us and was still outside when we all went to bed. I awoke to a loud screeching noise outside my window and jumped up to see what the heck was going on. It was pitch black outside. I couldn't see a thing, but my mother who had also heard the commotion ran to the door and opened it......in came flying Jazz. Fur sticking straight up, hair amiss and looking very shaken. It was then I saw the big,fat raccoon running away from the cabin. Funny, Jazz stopped going outside for a couple of years.

When Doug and I separated four years ago we decided on joint custody. The only way I survived being alone in my house was because I had Jazz to love and comfort me. Until then Jazz usually slept on the couch or on the floor outside my room, but once Doug and the girls were gone, Jazz started sleeping every night on my bed. I loved how he would crawl up on my chest and purr into my face...assuring me all would be well.

Three years ago, Jazz became quite sick just as I was taking possession of my new condo. I was so worried that he wouldn't survive the move and he spent three days in the Fish Creek Pet Hospital. I really needed him to get better and once he did...I swear the next three years were the best of his life.

One night shortly after I moved into the condo...and had been dating Paul for eight months, we came home from an evening out. I went upstairs to brush my teeth and came back downstairs to find Paul sitting on the floor, telling Jazz how much he loved me and how he promised Jazz he would always take care of me. I can't tell you how happy that made me!

Paul and I built and moved into a new home last summer. It was a freezing, cold miserable winter that I thought might never end. When it finally did Paul and I spent numerous weekends landscaping our backyard. Jazz was outside supervising every step of the way. When the lazy lawn was finally in, the patio blocks laid and the flowers planted...Paul carefully walked around the perimeter of the garden stepping carefully on each of the patio blocks outlining the garden. When he reached the end and went to turn around, Paul realized that Jazz followed him each step of the way. We laughed about this, but then were both surprised when the next day and each one following watched Jazz ask to be let out and then watched him gingerly walk down the stair and onto the patio wall where he would walk the circumference of the garden and then walk back inside. Both Paul and I loved to watch Jazz strut his stuff on the garden cat walk!

Two weeks ago Jazz jumped up on his usual spot on the couch and laid down on the heating pad we always set to low for him. I noticed his breathing seemed very heavy. I took him to the vet and was told that Jazz had a lot of fluid in his chest cavity. I don't want to talk to much about Jazz and his illness, but the family decided that after a week of watching Jazz get slower and slower, we agreed we didn't want Jazz to suffer. On Wednesday night we let both Jenna and Sierra spend some alone time with Jazz. Jenna wrote him a letter and then Paul and I took him back to the animal hospital where we stroked and petted Jazz until he went to sleep.

For 17 years Jazz was part of my day to day life. Every person who met Jazz remarked about what a nice cat he was. Hell, he was the best damn cat ever and we are going to miss him every day! For us October 21, 2009 was the day the music died!

We love you Jazz!

Permission to be cranky!

WOW!

Was I ever in a foul mood yesterday (and not because it's Thanksgiving this weekend)!

Let me give you a re-cap...

I got out of bed thirty minutes earlier than usual because Sierra asked me to wake her up early for "picture day" at school and after three unsuccessful attempts she finally awoke, sat up and burst into tears. Somehow it was my fault she wasn't able to respond to my first, second and third gentle pleas for her to get out of bed.

Paul left the house a few minutes later giving me an abrupt kiss and half-hearted goodbye because his mood was affected by the girls fighting in the bathroom, both trying to get ready at the same time.

I managed to leave the house on schedule, dropped Jenna off at her school and then was stuck in traffic for 45 minutes making me late (again) for work. I guess most people aren't expecting winter driving conditions the first week in October.

By mid-afternoon my contacts were bothering me, I had a headache and skipped grabbing a healthy lunch because the near white-out conditions outside my office had put me off leaving the building until absolutely necessary.

Left work to pick up the girls (two stops, not one) and just as I was waiting for Sierra to come out to the car, I rubbed my sore eye enough to have my contact lense come out and fall to the floor.

I somehow managed to get both of the girls a snack, both of them to dance on time and myself safely home driving with one eye closed.

I walked in the door, stripped by the washing machine and put on the warmest, cozyiest and flannelest pajamas I could find. ( I am pretty sure neither of those are real words, but they seemed the best word choices for today)

When I finally sat down in front of the television....I gave myself full permission to be in a bad, bad mood.

I was mad at the weather, mad at all of the other drivers, mad at my kids and just mad, mad, mad!

I was still mad when I had to go get Sierra from dance and found out that she in fact had been offered a ride home and turned it down. It would have been really nice not to have to go out in my pajama pants, get into my freezing truck and spend another forty minutes driving to and back from the dance studio.

I considered calling Lauren to tell her about my terrible day, but decided I wasn't even in the mood to vent about my frustrations, so it was funny when at that moment Lauren called me.

Lauren and I don't often talk in the evenings, so when I whined about my terrible day and mentioned that I had decided against calling her she told me she must have known I needed to talk.

We did talk and after a half an hour of my moaning and complaining...I started to feel better. Thanks Lauren!

Where am I going with this story...

Well, we all have experienced days like mine.

We all get stuck in traffic, argue with our loved ones, and want to blame outside influences on our problems.This is normal and I think it's okay to give ourselves permission to be in a bad mood, but when this happens I think we need to set some parameters.

First, Admit you are cranky and decide how long you are willing to feel sorry for yourself.

Second, Take responsibility for your feelings and try to not let your bad mood affect others. This means when you are in a bad mood tell the people around you...it's you, not them, so they don't think they have done something to offend you.

Third, Indulge yourself! Reward yourself with something that will make you feel better. Book a massage, phone a friend, eat icecream. It doesn't matter as long as it makes you feel like you are doing yourself a favor. And...don't feel guilty! If your best friend was upset...you would offer to do something for her or him to make them feel better....be your own best friend and give yourself a lift.

Last, Re frame your thoughts. When your time limit is up, you must re frame all of the negative thoughts you were having into positive thoughts.

Example, last night I was thinking about money and debt and how it seems I never have enough money, so this morning I kept repeating to myself...My income is always increasing, I always am able to pay my expenses and I have a enough money to enjoy a comfortable life.

After spending a day thinking and focusing on the negative aspects of your life it's important to spend an equal amount time focusing on what's positive in your life and reminding yourself that it's important to be grateful for all of the wonderful things your have in your life...once you have spent some time being grateful and thinking positive, you will realize...that maybe things just don't seem so bad afterall!

Oh yeah, and it doesn't hurt to apologise to anyone who you think may have been affected by your negativity!

Just a thought!
Happy Thanksgiving!

I Love You, But....

So a man walks into a relationship and says to his woman...."I love you, want to marry you and then would like to spend the rest of our lives together trying to change you!"

Get it?

Ummm...your answer should be no! That's the point. The joke is....that this would never happen.

I just read an article from Jari Love, fitness expert in which she claims, "Women marry men to change them and men marry women not to change!"

Why is this I wonder? Why do we have this need to fix our men?

We meet a guy, we like him and yet we feel some need to change them.

Do we think we are smarter than men?

Do we think we know how to do things better than they do?

Why can't we just accept the guy for who he is?

Would we be happy if our boyfriend/husband wanted us to change?

What if they only wanted us to be the best version of ourselves that we could be...
maybe they just want us to be healthier (skinnier), or they just want us to have fun and relax a little more (not worry so much about everything and stress out). Perhaps they think we would be happier if we dressed better, shopped less, cooked and cleaned more....it really doesn't matter....we know damn well that we wouldn't like our partner telling us to change.

So, why then do we expect them to change?

It's not like we want or need them to be like someone else....

We usually just want them to not be themselves. How terrible is that?

However, I have heard women remark, "Why can't you be more like Jim, or Bob wouldn't do that... or how about, Gee! Mark just sent Susie a dozen roses to her work. I wish you would send me flowers."

Now don't get me wrong...I think that there are times when it's appropriate to teach someone a lesson or give someone advice. If I was using a word incorrectly for example, I would want someone to take me aside and tell me to prevent me making the same mistake in the future.

But...as for trying to get our men to be what we want them to be....it's just never going to work!

Unless it's their idea, they are not going to want to eat less, drink less, or smoke less and they are certainly not going to want to exercise more, talk more or help out more.

We should spend less time trying to change them and more time appreciating them for who they are!

Just a thought!

Eleven Minutes Made My Day!

When I woke up yesterday on my 43rd birthday I had a couple of expectations.

First, I hoped for a sunny day and second I was looking forward to birthday hugs and kisses from Paul, Jenna and Sierra.

What I didn't expect was......the numerous wishes from friends, family, co-workers and acquaintances and I have to say.....IT WAS WONDERFUL!

I know many people grow less fond of their birthdays every year. Who wants to be reminded that they are getting older? However, I think it is still important that everyone be recognized and treated special on their birthday!

I have always made a big deal of my children's, spouse's, friend's and family member's birthday. I have thrown numerous surprise parties including clown parties, horse and carriage parties, puppet theatre parties, poker parties, golf parties, karaoke parties, dueling piano parties, anything to make the birthday person feel cherished and loved!

Some people say they are too busy to plan birthday parties for their family or friends, but I think this is a terrible excuse since..... you know what......My birthday always falls on September 10th. Every year you can count on September 10th being my birthday. I have never had a birthday on June 19th or November 24th. For the last 43 years and for the next fifty or so, my birthday is going to be on September 10th and I don't think it's too much to expect that on September 10th every year I feel like and get treated like a princess!

And here's the thing....those 25 Face Book birthday wishes made my day! Face Book, e-mail and texting have made it so easy for anybody to send a quick...."Thinking of you on your day" message

All of my Face Book messages, text messages and e-mails were incredibly special!

I heard from several friends at work, a few friends from high school, one of my daughter's friends, one of my friend's sisters. I heard from people I talk to every week and also people I haven't seen in 25 years!

It probably only took each of those well-wishers a total of 15 seconds to send me their thoughts, or combined total of less than 11 minutes, yet I was ecstatic all day long!

We live in a crazy-paced world. We are worried about the economy and we are worried about our future.

I know we are trying to take care of our children, our parents and our partners on a daily basis, but surely we can find 15 seconds in our busy day to wish someone a happy birthday, let them know you are thinking of them and most importantly made them feel loved!


Just a thought!

True Match...Not so Much!

This story happened a few years ago, but it begging to be told.

About five years ago, when I was still married, a large group of families decided to go camping outside of Edmonton. Unfortunately for us the weather turned nasty shortly after we set up camp, so there we are hours from home in the pouring rain, trying to make the best of a not so great experience.

We managed to get through the night in our tents and trailers, but the next morning when we realized we were in for another day of down pours we decided we needed to take the kids and head into town for some shopping.

Let me clarify...shopping meant driving twenty minutes to the nearest town, Drayton Valley and pulling up in front of their main store, SAAN!

I spent about an hour looking at the latest fashions in the SAAN store and then decided I couldn't take it anymore, so I grabbed Lauren and told her to come with me next door to the Rexall Drugs. The other two Moms stayed in SAAN, so I let Jenna and Sierra continue to shop with them.

It was just Lauren and I in the drugstore, so we were looking at lipstick, nail polish and other beauty items when I noticed a new foundation I had seen on television.

"Look Lauren," I called.

"This is the new true match foundation. It matches perfectly with any skin colour."

"Well, let's try it," suggested Lauren.

The foundation bottles were neatly lined up along the bottom shelf, so we knelt down on the floor in one of the side aisles and began to look at the colour swatches.

"You need to match the colour to the inside of your wrist," Lauren explained to me.

We started with a medium tint, but that seemed to dark, so we tried a shade lighter. Nope, still too dark. We went lighter again, but even that was much darker than my wrist.

As the shades were getting lighter and lighter, we were soon trying pale ivory shades against my wrist.

"This can't be right!" I exclaimed to Lauren, "My skin is much darker than this shade."

"Well," replied Lauren, "This is what you are supposed to do, so try it and see."

Of course there was no tester available in this shade, so Lauren suggested I just open the bottle a tiny bit and dab a teensy bit on my wrist.

I carefully unscrewed the top and gently turned the bottle over to give it a test when GLOB.....a huge amount of the foundation leaked out onto my wrist.

"Oh shit!" I yelled and realized a Rexall employee was heading towards us.

Not thinking straight. I quickly mopped up the foundation from my wrist and quickly smeared it on my face....thinking the True Match would do it's job......
not so!

Lauren turned to look at me and shrieked when she saw that I now looked like some freak from the circus. Half my face tanned and golden bronze the other half smeared with ivory war paint, making me look like a pantomime or something.

"What's going on here?" demanded the stern Rexall lady.

"We were just trying one of your new cosmetics," explained Lauren.

"Is that a tester," she asked with her mouth persed into a tight frown.

"Uh, well, no actually it's not," I started to say when Lauren then interrupted.

"Well, we needed to try it because it doesn't work how its supposed to."

"Of course it does," said the clerk, "It's True Match!"

"Are you a cosmetician," challenged Lauren, "Because this truly doesn't match now does it?"

"Just get out!" demanded the Rexall clerk at the same moment my daughters, Lauren's children and our other two friends walked in the door of the drugstore.

As I meekly left the store trying to hold onto the little dignity I had left and Lauren loyally marching beside me, our kids and friends were watching us with confused looks on their faces, our friends wondering what the hell is on Cindy's face and all of them thinking....how can two grown women get kicked out of a small town drug store!

It happens people, it happens!

Preventing a Communication Break Down

I was having lunch with a friend the other day and we were talking about relationships. ( I know...what else do we girls talk about?)

Anyway, I was telling my friend that I think even great relationships can have communication breakdowns and when this happens it's really hard to get back in sync.

My relationship is great, but it is so because I am always trying new communication techniques with Paul in order to ensure we are on the same page, or if we do disagree on something, I want us to be able to talk about our differences in a respectful and honest manner.

Regularly, I check in with Paul and ask him...

Okay, on a scale of one through ten, ten being extremely happy and one being ready to pull the plug, how do you feel about our relationship?

Most of the time Paul answers nine or even 10, but when he tells me our relationship is at a seven for him we need to talk.

My friend Myles recently gave me some good relationship advice. He told me you need to ask your loved one, "What do you need?"

This is an interesting question. It doesn't ask, "What do you want?" which is good because often I hear people remark to their partners, "I don't know what you want!"

A need is different...I might want Paul to make me breakfast every morning (it would be nice, but I don't need it), but I need Paul to......what actually do I need Paul to do? Most of the things that come to my mind first are wants. (Help with chores, drive the girls to dance, take out the garbage) All helpful, but not really crucial.

What I need from Paul is to love me, trust me, respect me and support me....and you know what he does.

Anyway, back to my advice on communication...

Since I am a public relations practitioner I can't resist the opportunity to create and implement a survey, so I designed a quick and dirty questionnaire for both Paul and I to complete separately and then compare our answers.

Paul, always agreeable to my innovative ideas was game, especially when I told him our survey results would help us reinforce our positive opinions, crystallize neutral/latent opinions and change or neutralize any negative opinions we had. (some pr jargon for you)

The survey only took me about ten minutes to complete and Paul had his filled out when he came home from work last night.

We handed each other our surveys to review and then talked about our answers.

We were both pleased to discover that many of our answers were similar and the ones that differed allowed us to talk about our differences in a calm and rational manner.

Not only was this exercise fun, it was also an easy and creative way to keep our communication channel open!

Feel free to try it!

Relationship Survey

WHAT’S IMPORTANT TO ME IN THIS RELATIONSHIP?


WHAT CAN I DO TO ENSURE EXCELLENT COMMUNICATION?


WHAT IS ONE GOAL I WOULD LIKE TO WORK TOWARDS BY DECEMBER 31, 2010


WHAT DO I NEED ON A REGULAR BASIS?



HOW MUCH PERSONAL SPENDING MONEY DO I NEED EACH PAY CHEQUE?


THE IDEAL DATE NIGHT FOR ME WOULD INCLUDE:



IF I COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT MY PARTNER WHAT WOULD IT BE?


IF I COULD WORK ON ONE THING ABOUT MYSELF WHAT WOULD IT BE?


ON A SCALE FROM 1-5 HOW HAPPY AM I IN THIS RELATIONSHIP (FIVE BEING EXTREMELY HAPPY)

1 2 3 4 5


ON A SCALE FROM 1-5 HOW WOULD I RATE OUR COMMUNICATION?

1 2 3 4 5


WHEN I AM UPSET I WANT MY PARTNER TO____________________________



ON A SCALE FROM 1-5 HOW WOULD I RATE OUR SPENDING HABITS

1 2 3 4 5


WHAT'S THE ONE THING THAT MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH MY PARTNER?

Who says Whining doesn't Work?

On Sunday night I was standing in line at the grocery store waiting somewhat patiently to check out when I heard a mother arguing (for lack of a better word since it's really hard to have a debate with your toddler) with her three year old daughter. The child wanted a candy bar and the mother was refusing this request.

"But I want one!" said the child.

"No" replied her mother, "You haven't had dinner yet."

"Puhleese!" begged the little girl.

"Olivia, stop whining!" urged the mom, "You won't get your own way just because you keep on about it."

Hmmm!

I remember my parents saying the same thing to me when I was little, but now I wonder if this is in fact true.

Remember the idiom,

The squeaky wheel gets the grease?
meaning the person who complains the most gets the best service.

So perhaps whining does work??!!

I know that I have given in to my kids when they repeatedly ask for something that really isn't worth fighting about (staying up ten minutes longer, a muffin for breakfast instead of a healthier choice, or a sleep over with a friend)

A few weeks ago I was trying to buy a swimming pool for Jenna and Sierra after seeing one on sale in the Zeller's flyer. I drove to the nearest store, but found they were out of stock in the size that I wanted. The sales person offered to contact another store for me and put the desired pool on hold for me if I was willing to drive to the farther store. I was and promised to be there within a few hours. I arrived to the sporting goods department, found a boxed pool with my name taped prominently on the side and then realized the clerk had put my name on the wrong pool. Of course, there now wasn't any pools available in the size I needed, so I asked for the manager.

The poor girl managing the department had recently hurt her leg, so as she hobbled up to me, I smiled, asked her if she was okay and the proceeded to tell her my sad story of travelling the extra distance, taking time out of my busy day and how disappointed my daughters were going to be if I showed up back home pool-less.

My innovative suggestion was that in order to recover my time and energy the store should sell me the next sized pool as the advertised price of the smaller pool.

The manager easily agreed.

Now granted, I was polite and calm, but also I definitely whined a bit and it worked!

I also can remember several situations when friends of mine complained that they were overlooked for things like a parking spot by the door at work, seats to a concert, or even something that another friend was giving away for free, yet when I asked them if they ever let their boss, co-worker or friends know they were interested in those offerings they always replied, no!

My friend, Lisa called me the other day and told me how busy she was in the office. Which is great because when we last had lunch she was worried that she wasn't busy enough. I told her how happy I was to hear that things had turned around and she said, "Who says whining doesn't work?"

So...it's okay to ask for things, it's okay to tell people what you need and it's okay to plead your case about something you really want (Tantrums are never acceptable, but every so often whining might be exactly what you have to do!)

Just a thought!

Perception is Reality!

Whenever I hear a person telling me a story about some problem or issue, they will often hear me remark, "Well, perception is reality!" I love this saying, but I wonder if people really grasp what this means.



If a police officer is taking statements from several witnesses of a car accident he/she will hear different versions of what transpired to cause the accident. This makes sense to us since obviously depending on a person's view, location, or perception the observations can differ. One person might have thought one of the drivers was going to fast while another person might have noticed that one of the drivers failed to signal or shoulder check before changing lanes. Anyway when the police office is recording these statements he/she doesn't tell the witnesses, "Your statements can't be correct because they don't agree." He/she instead recognizes that for each witness what they perceive to be the truth is really the truth for them and therefore reality or at least their reality.



So what if we apply this same theory to relationships...



Say a guy comes home late from work one day because he decided to stop and get his watch fixed and finds his wife or girlfriend isn't home. He might be surprized and wondered where she was. He might have expected her to have dinner ready for him since he planned on going to the gym after dinner for a work out. He might have wanted to talk to her over dinner about a new position at the office or about their upcoming summer vacation. Anyway, he came home expecting one thing and then found another, so he is frustrated or upset.

When his girlfriend or wife walks through the door, instead of giving her a kiss and asking her how her day was, he asks her in a demanding voice where she has been. This obviously doesn't impress his woman because now she is defensive. She is thinking to herself, "Screw you!" But, she instead replies, "Well since you were late, I decided to be the responsible one, so I have been getting groceries, filling up the car with gas for our trip and taking your shirts to the dry cleaners." Now they are both angry and they both think the other person is wrong and should apologise.



But...really neither person is wrong. They are both right. The guy perceived the situation to be one way and so it was...he came home expecting his wife to be there and she wasn't. The wife perceived the situation to be another way, but it was still true for her...she was at home waiting for him and was hoping they could go to the gym before supper and then stop on the way home to pick up some take out, but she became tired of waiting for him, so she decided to run some errands on her own.



Since both of them are right neither of them are going to want to apologise, so instead of continuing the fight...they must recognize that every one's perception is going to differ and while you don't have to say sorry, you do have to say something like, "Gee, I am didn't expect you to perceive the situation this way when my intention was to try and help you out by picking up the groceries so we wouldn't have to tomorrow before our trip." He then could reply, "Well, sorry when I came home excited to talk to you about my job and found you not home, I was disappointed and thought you went to the gym without me."

I know it's not a simple as this, but I do think if we communicated better with our partners and tried to understand their perception of a situation, we would discover neither person was trying to be bad or evil, but in fact was just uninformed and then made assumptions based on what they perceived as reality.

Just a thought!

Nothing is Sometimes Better than Something!

Last week I was over at a friend's house for dinner.

She was showing me her new bedroom suite and had remarked how much trouble she had when purchasing the bed frame from a well-known retailer.

She bought the bed and was patiently waiting for the delivery guys to come four days later. When they finally arrived, she had to ask them to unwrap her bed frame. They were prepared to just leave the huge boxes in her dining room. They did the unpacking reluctantly and agreed to take the empty cartons too on her suggestion, but then it was only after they left my friend realized that her beautiful, new bed frame required six legs; not four. She was missing two of the legs and because of the size four legs would not support the bed.

She found the business card left by the delivery men and then realized that the only number to call when you have a problem is in Montreal. After a very frustrating phone call to the customer service department in Quebec she was told there is nothing they could do for her.

She then phoned the Calgary store in which she had made the purchase, but again was told there was nothing they could do for her either.

She phoned back to Montreal and left another complaint. A few days past without any solution.

My friend then left for a one week's vacation on the coast. She had a wonderful time with her children and decided not to think about the customer service dilemma in Calgary for a few days.

When she arrived home seven days later feeling rested and relaxed she listened to the several messages on her voicemail from the furniture company.

The first was a suggestion that she drive around the city to see if she could find other legs that would work for her new bed frame.

The second was a suggestion that perhaps she didn't need the legs and could just leave the bed frame on the floor and the third message informed her that the store did in fact find the missing legs and they would have them delivered the next day.

IF my friend had been in town for these calls...a few things may have transpired...
she might have reluctantly tried to find matching legs on her own time and gas money, but really, what are the chances?

She might have agreed to have her new beautiful bed frame sitting on her floor instead of the lovely chocolate and rich-looking wooden legs and then always been disappointed that she didn't get the purchase she had planned on.

Since my friend was unreachable and unable to accept either of these ridiculous solutions, the store kept trying to come up with solutions and in the end did what was best for my friend.

When my friend was re-telling her story to me, she said, "Sometimes by doing nothing gets you more than trying to do something."

I thought about this for a few days and wondered if her comment was good advice to women.

How many times do we try to come up with a quick fix for our children, our friends, or our partner because we want to make everyone happy?

How often do we start conversations with our boyfriends because we want them to reassure us that they love us when we think they are being distant or cold?

How many times have we wished that could have taken back a comment, or not brought up a subject with one of our girlfriends when it ended badly or not the way we planned?

Women are pleasers and we think what we are always doing is for the best, but sometimes I think we need to do NOTHING and just see what solution presents itself on it's own.

We might be pleasantly surprised and not have to deal with any regrets!