The Journey or the Destination

I enjoyed lunch with one of my closest friends, J. yesterday. J. is almost 23, owns a home, works in public relations and is not only self-sufficient, but gorgeous too! While we were enjoying our Asian salads, she was telling about her recent trip with her family. They went to England to visit family and then on a cruise for a couple of weeks. All in all J. told me it was an amazing trip. I already knew J. had a passion for travel, yet I was still surprised when she asked me if she was taking life too seriously and wondered if she should quit her job and go to Spain for a month, or a year.

Difficult question to answer. One of the things I admire the most about J. is her drive and dedication to her career and future. I guess I remember that J. is a lot like I was in my early 20s. I worked three jobs and spent my time setting and achieving items on my goal list. My Dad once told me I was much older than my years, which at the time I saw as a compliment. Everything seemed to go according to plan. I was married by 25. Had a couple of kids. Owned a nice home, ran a successful staffing business and then it happened.

I was encouraged by my business partner to return to school. I did so reluctantly at first, but then began to love everything school had to offer. I made new friends, (granted most of them were 15 years younger than me) learned a lot and began to want different things.

In my last year of school, I changed my life dramatically. I left my husband, sold my home, moved home with my parents, sold my share of my staffing agency and had shared custody of my children. Why did I disrupt my stable, familiar life for one of uncertainty and instability?

I don't have an answer for you, but I think I was tired of always doing what was expected and wanted the opportunity to have a bit of fun while I was still young enough. (Just before my 40th birthday!)

I wonder if I had been a little more scattered when I was 20 if I would have gone through this mid-life kind of crisis. If I had been reckless and carefree 20 years ago would I have still felt like something was missing in my life?

Don't get me wrong I did do a fair bit of travelling in my early 20's. In fact it was on a week-long trip to Mexico I met and fell in love with my ex-husband, but I never enjoyed the journey because I was always so focused on the destination. Marriage, kids, a new house, a emergency savings plan.

I couldn't give J. an answer yesterday, but today I think my advice is it's better to act like a carefree 20 year old in your twenties. Not when you are approaching 40 and you have a husband and kids that suffer the fall out!

Proud to be Calgarian

I live in one of Canada's greatest cities; Calgary. Blue skies, friendly people and no provincial tax. Oh, and did I mention we host the Calgary Stampede every July. This rodeo invites the world to come and see how we live for ten days. Wearing jeans and cowboy hats to work, dining daily on pancake breakfasts and bar-b-que beef on bun, we crank up the country tunes and even line dance in public. We buy beers for anyone that saddles up to us at the bar, everyone is our friend and it's one big happy party. What's not to love?

Well, it's the other 355 days of the year when Calgarians lose their sense of community and generosity. Calgarians have always been complimented on their friendliness, but it would seem as our city grows and more and more people claim Calgary to be their home, we are losing our friendly reputation.

It's no easy task to drive home from work on any given day without someone cutting you off, swerving into your lane, edging past everyone else in an effort to get to the front of the soon to end merge lane. Share the road!! Let people in in front of you. Thank people if they let you in!
Dining out? It is no longer a treat to go out for meal after a long day at the office since the service often ranges from poor to mediocre. Servers no longer seem to care about customer service. The looks of contempt when you ask for a soup spoon or the salt is enough of a put-off, but when they are annoyed that you need change in order to give them a tip it's really aggravating!

Try ordering a large drink at Starbucks. They can't just fill your order! The barrista must first explain in his condescending tone that they don't have large drinks. Only tall, grande and venti. What the hell? What happened to the customer is always right?? Just give me my drink please. Oh, and now I have to tip you because you made me a cup of coffee?

I recently attended my daughter's dance competition and was waiting to watch her group perform when the other mother I was with needed to go to the washroom. When she went to leave the auditorium, the usher told her, she couldn't leave. My friend explained she just needed to use the facilities and was told, "If I can't go to the bathroom, you can't either!" My friend came back to her seat and sat down speechless.

I hope the stories people tell about Calgarians are mostly positive and that the negative experiences are few and far between. I certainly don't want my reputation to be smeared cause I love being a Calgarian!

Yee haw!

Be Interested, Not Interesting!

This is the best advice I ever heard. Think about it! We are so often wanting to impress people that while they are talking to us we are thinking about what we want to tell them about ourselves. We don't care what they are telling us and we keep thinking hurry up and finish your story cause I have something really important to say, or worse we can't wait any longer, so we interrupt them mid-sentence because we have something we deem valuable to contribute to their conversation.

Most people could improve their active listening skills. What is Active Listening?
Active, effective listening is a habit,as well as the foundation of effective communication. Active listening intentionally focuses on who you are listening to, whether in a group or one-on-one, in order to understand what he or she is saying. As the listener, you should then be able to repeat back in your own words what they have said to their satisfaction. This does not mean you agree with, but rather understand, what they are saying. http://www.studygs.net/listening.htm

I know that I have been trying to work on my active listening skills and sometimes it's really hard when I don't want to forget what I want to say. I have this little trick that I use when someone is talking to me and I think of something I want to say. I just close my first and stick out my thumb. This is a subtle reminder to myself to hold that thought and allow me to keep listening to my companion. There is a downside cause sometimes the person you are having the conversation with just never stops talking and no matter what you can't get a word in! If you feel you have been an active listener and want a chance to speak up then wait for your companion to take a breath, say something indicating you have heard what they just finished saying and then say that reminds me...and begin your story!

If anyone has any other suggestions for stopping the narcissistic talker, I am all ears!!

Hangers could have saved my marriage

My marriage ended three years ago. When people ask, "Why did you guys break up?" I have a hard time answering. I really don't know, it just seemed that everything was hard. We argued, squabbled, fought and couldn't seem to agree on anything. My ex can tell you why we split up. He recently told someone it was because I quit doing laundry and I know he really thinks that is the reason. He's not wrong. I do remember one night in frustration throwing my hands in the air and shouting, "That's it! I quit doing laundry!" I know my friend, Lisa loves doing laundry. She finds it soothing and rewarding, but I on the other hand never could get it all done and if I did manage to wash and dry everything there were still baskets all over the house and piles of clean laundry sitting on dressers that were already crammed full and overflowing. I get frustrated now thinking about my laundry failures. I tried to sort clothes and donate whatever was too small or dated, but I still never seemed to be able to solve my laundry dilemma until now three years later. I recently moved into a new house with a similar layout to my old house and was starting to worry about my laundry issues when I decided to go to the store and buy a few more hangers. I bought 20 and started to hang up my clothes as they came out of the dryer. In the past I would fold everything when I had time, or worse crumple the clean clothes into the laundry basket and haul it upstairs for folding at a later date. I soon realized that 20 new hangers weren't enough, so I purchased 20 more. Still not enough, so yesterday I went out and bought 90 more hangers. I finished every load of laundry, hung everything up and have only about 15 hangers left over. What a revelation. For my entire married life I was about 125 hangers short! No wonder I could never master the task of laundry. I didn't have the right tools. A simple solution for a very complicated problem. I was so absorbed with the big picture I wasn't able to see that by spending less than $50 dollars I could have saved myself many fights with my husband.
I wonder how many other arguments could be avoided with couples that can't cope only because they are missing a few essential tools?? I want to know what couples are fighting about...maybe there is an easy solution and extra hangers can't hurt!

One Hundred Days of Drama

Okay, I have a friend who has the most bizarre things happen to her. So bizarre that she could be a real life Bridget Jones. Her stories make people laugh until they have tears running down their cheeks. I decided to challenge myself and come up with 100 true stories that have happened to my friend. This is story number one!

Lincoln is dating a guy in high school whose family just lives down the street from her family in an upscale, prominent neighborhood. One night Lincoln's boyfriend invites her over to his house to hang out while his parents are home in the den reading by the fire. The home has just gone through some remodelling, so when Lincoln needs to use the bathroom she is admiring the renovations and checking out the new decor. For some strange reason while she is sitting on the toilet, Lincoln sees the box of matches that has been left in this room for strategic reasons. Without thinking, Lincoln lights one of the matches and briefly holds it up against the roll of toilet paper and WHOOSH! The entire rolls goes up in flames creating a burning racing stripe running from the toilet paper roll up to the ceiling. Lincoln panics and uses the newly placed matching hand towels to beat out the fire. When the flames are diffused, Lincoln is staring at a black, smoking scar and is covered in ash and soot.
Lincoln is horrified. She now has to go out and try to explain what happened to both her boyfriend and his parents. Imagine their horror when they learn that Lincoln has torched their new bath.

It's not that hard guys....

Guys think girls are complicated, but really it's so simple (and inexpensive)to make us happy! Sure, diamonds are nice and who doesn't love a fancy meal out, but really guys...you want to rock our worlds? There are many things you can do to show us how much you care. All we really want to know you is that are thinking about us. We want to find a love note left under our windshield wiper when we go to start our car in the morning. We would love a single rose when we come home from work. A big lipstick heart on our bathroom mirror makes us swoon! Beware...best not to use our brand new tube of Dior. When you plan a date night for us, we talk about it for days. It's the little things that let us know you think we are great and make us feel loved. It's not enough to hear you those three words. Actions speak louder than words, so put your money where your mouth is and start using lipstick!! I bet your girlfriend will not only be thrilled, but she will also be willing to show her gratitude! Hmm! Another use for the lipstick?

If you like this idea then you might want to go to http://www.lulu.com/ and purchase "Wouldn't it be nice! 60 things a guy can do to make his girl smile) by Lucinda Drummond