The Journey or the Destination

I enjoyed lunch with one of my closest friends, J. yesterday. J. is almost 23, owns a home, works in public relations and is not only self-sufficient, but gorgeous too! While we were enjoying our Asian salads, she was telling about her recent trip with her family. They went to England to visit family and then on a cruise for a couple of weeks. All in all J. told me it was an amazing trip. I already knew J. had a passion for travel, yet I was still surprised when she asked me if she was taking life too seriously and wondered if she should quit her job and go to Spain for a month, or a year.

Difficult question to answer. One of the things I admire the most about J. is her drive and dedication to her career and future. I guess I remember that J. is a lot like I was in my early 20s. I worked three jobs and spent my time setting and achieving items on my goal list. My Dad once told me I was much older than my years, which at the time I saw as a compliment. Everything seemed to go according to plan. I was married by 25. Had a couple of kids. Owned a nice home, ran a successful staffing business and then it happened.

I was encouraged by my business partner to return to school. I did so reluctantly at first, but then began to love everything school had to offer. I made new friends, (granted most of them were 15 years younger than me) learned a lot and began to want different things.

In my last year of school, I changed my life dramatically. I left my husband, sold my home, moved home with my parents, sold my share of my staffing agency and had shared custody of my children. Why did I disrupt my stable, familiar life for one of uncertainty and instability?

I don't have an answer for you, but I think I was tired of always doing what was expected and wanted the opportunity to have a bit of fun while I was still young enough. (Just before my 40th birthday!)

I wonder if I had been a little more scattered when I was 20 if I would have gone through this mid-life kind of crisis. If I had been reckless and carefree 20 years ago would I have still felt like something was missing in my life?

Don't get me wrong I did do a fair bit of travelling in my early 20's. In fact it was on a week-long trip to Mexico I met and fell in love with my ex-husband, but I never enjoyed the journey because I was always so focused on the destination. Marriage, kids, a new house, a emergency savings plan.

I couldn't give J. an answer yesterday, but today I think my advice is it's better to act like a carefree 20 year old in your twenties. Not when you are approaching 40 and you have a husband and kids that suffer the fall out!