Disappointing Jenna!

We often hear stories of parents being disappointed by their children. We, as parents have high expectations of our kids and when they do something we disagree with we are obviously upset.

What about when our kids are disappointed by us??

I will never forget the first time I disappointed my daughter, Jenna. She was in kindergarten and I had offered to volunteer in the class on her birthday. We were having a great day when just before lunch, she came to me and asked where the special treat was. I gave her a blank look and asked, "What special treat?" She replied, "The special treat you bring for the class to celebrate my birthday!" I obviously missed the memo on that one. I had no treat to mark my five year old's birthday celebration with the class. I screwed up! I will never forget the look of sadness in my daughter's eyes that day.

The second time I remember disappointing Jenna, she was playing outside on our street. I called her home and told her I needed to talk. She was grinning from ear to ear and asked if we were going to Disneyland. I told her it was not good news that I needed to share and she screamed, "Are you and Dad getting a divorce?" Unfortunately, we were! We went into the house to meet up with my husband and my youngest daughter, Sierra and tried to explain that we were going to try a separation. The tearful memory of the four of us crying together in the family room still haunts me, but again it was the look of disappointment from Jenna that I will never forget.

Last night was the third time of disappointing Jenna. This weekend is the last long weekend before school starts. Jenna is excited about starting grade eight. I had booked myself a long-overdue hair cut with a new stylist about a week ago and was looking forward to treating myself to a new look. Jenna told me a few days ago that she really wanted a new hair cut before school. I called our regular stylist and our alternate stylist, but both were booked up for at least a couple of weeks. I asked Jenna if she wanted to try the new stylist with me. She agreed. I booked two additional appointments to coincide with mine for both Jenna and Sierra.

I should been wary when the stylist called 30 minutes before our appointments to ask if we could come an hour and a half later; she was running behind schedule.

We showed up at the new time to find our new stylist was not really set up for cutting hair in her home. (Both of our other stylists have fully-equipped salons located in their homes, so this has never been a problem.) Anyway, this new stylist had not installed a sink, so she thought she could spray our hair with a water bottle and then cut it.

Jenna reluctantly agreed to go first and immediately I was concerned that this was not going to be a good experience. Jenna has thick curly hair that needs shampoo and conditioner before a comb out. The stylist cut off much more hair than Jenna had wanted and really made a mess out of one side. I stood there silently watching Jenna bite her lip to keep from crying. What 12 year old year wants to start back to school with a terrible hair cut?? Jenna had to endure this grueling experience for an hour and a half.

Sierra refused to go next, so I told the stylist, "Perhaps it would be better if we came back when you had a sink and all of your supplies in order." Sierra and I escaped hair intact.

When we got outside I was upset that I never got my much needed hair cut, but when Jenna turned around, tears streaming down my face and yelling at me that I should have never made her get her hair cut there, I was devastated. It brought back all of the painful memories of the forgotten cupcakes in kindergarten.

I never want to hurt my children. I try to be the best Mom I can, but sometimes we end up disappointing the only people we try so hard not to!

I know this isn't the last time I will disappoint Jenna, but that doesn't make it any easier this time around. Luckily hair grows and I think the cupcakes are a distant memory, so perhaps despite my failures as a parent, Jenna will grow up normal and unscathed.

What Are You Waiting For?

Yesterday was a typical day, or was it?

When I reflected on the day's events I realized that there was a common thread. First, I had a co-worker come into my office for chat. She is in an unhappy marriage and I believe wants to leave, but for some reason doesn't have the ability to do so even though she is miserable. I keep asking her what she is going to do and offer suggestions and advice.

Second, I had lunch with a dear friend who was frustrated because one of her closest friends is terminally ill with less than a year to live. Let me explain. It's not the thought of death that is frustrating my friend, but the fact that her terminal friend seems to focusing on everything negative and not living her last days to the fullest.

Third, I was invited to a home jewellery party last night and during a couple of my conversations with my friends I realized that a few of these people wanted change in their lives, but again just talked about what it is they wanted and not how they were going to get it!

So, again I ask what are you waiting for?

One girl last night told me that writing a book was on her "bucket list" For those of you who don't know what a bucket list is....well, as the name suggests, it's the list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket.

Until recently, I never had a bucket list, but I always did write and edit my goals list. I love crossing off my accomplishments regardless of their magnitude. It doesn't matter if I check off travel to Mexico, have my teeth whitened, or take a yoga class. Once I have completed the task I take great pleasure in crossing that item off my list. Sometimes my goals change, so I edit my list regularly.

I don't worry if some accomplishments may take years to complete, but I do like to include certain tasks that can be completed in a short time frame, so I can feel successful.

I wonder why some people are reluctant to write their list. Are they afraid to fail? Are they afraid to start something? Are they afraid to commit?

I know people who make excuses for putting off change. When I ask, "What are you waiting for?" They say, I will do that once I lose 20 pounds, or I will try that after my children are grown. Every answer may be unique, but regardless of their excuse, the result is the same. If they are waiting for something...they don't want change....they just want to talk about their situation....they just want attention. This isn't necessarily bad, but recognize they don't want help solving their problems. The problems give them something to talk about!

So now when people talk about wanting to change a situation, I ask. "What are you waiting for!" If they have an answer then I know they probably don't really want to make a change. They just want empathy. Which is great since I can listen without worrying about how to help solve their problems.