Creative Financial Planning

I stopped over to a friend's last week for lunch to find her frustrated and depressed about her current relationship. She has been dating a great guy for the last year, a guy who is great with her kids, kind and eager to be around her and her friends.

When I started probing her with questions it seemed the problems they were facing were about money issues and insecurities. (Not unique in this economy)

My friend was feeling like her new guy was pulling away from her. He often remarked that he was worried about his job and since he works on commission, his recent pay cheques weren't covering his expenses, so he often was unable to take her out for dinner or pay for a movie.

It's not that my friend is a gold digger at all. She is always willing to treat and pay her share, but she has three kids to take care of, a mortgage and her own debt.

I am not going to start talking about debt or credit counselling since I like my friend have my own consumer debt problems, but knowing that money issues and problems are one of the leading reasons for marital break ups and divorce, I did offer her some advice which she thought about, tried, and found to be not only easy, but actually quite enjoyable.

I told my friend to go out to the dollar store and purchase a package of index cards. White ones, coloured, fluorescent - it doesn't matter.

I then suggested her and her partner divide up the cards between them and begin to write one item on each index card. This item must be something that costs money.

For example maybe my friend wants a new set of pots and pans, or she wants a weekend away in Vegas. It doesn't matter how expensive or trivial the item is. It also doesn't matter if this item seems like something that is never going to be possible like a European Vacation or swimming pool in the backyard.

I told her to complete this activity fairly quickly without putting much thought into the items she and her guy were writing down.

I explained to her the next step in this exercise was then to share one-by-one all of the index cards out loud.

I told her is is important not to comment on each others cards. Just to listen.

After all of the cards are read aloud, I told her that each of them must take the index cards and rank them in order of importance together. This important step allows her and her boyfriend to determine values and will help them both understand what each of them determines is important and valuable. Maybe her boyfriend wants a home gym because he is finding that since having her in his life he would prefer to work out from home then go to the gym every day, or she can explain that by purchasing a tent trailer they would be able to accommodate both of their families on a summer vacation.

The last step I recommended in this exercise was for both of them to come up with a timeline for achieving these items.

I told her to take a piece of paper and write the following headings:

Six Months

One Year

Two Years

Three Years

Five Years

Ten Years

They then together they would decide what item fell under each heading.

For example:

Six Months
Home Gym

Two Years
Weekend in Vegas

My friend dropped by last night and told me this activity gave them a chance to share their goals, plan their future together and communicate in a non-threatening, creative way.

I told her that it will also be great to watch their goals become realities since they now are top of mind for both of them.

Comments always welcome!

Cindy