Life without Jazz!

Within days of walking down the aisle seventeen years ago I decided I wanted to start a family. No, I wasn't looking to get pregnant...I wanted a pet, or more specifically a kitten. This sounded like a easy task, but actually it took nearly two months to find just the right type of kitten. I remember driving across the city to look at a new litter of Himalayan kittens and right away fell in love with one of them. I wasn't allowed to take my new pet home for another a few weeks, but did decide during our first meeting that I wanted to call him Jazz.

The cat breeder told me that Jazz was not enough of a name for a kitten of his breeding status. She told me that we needed to think bigger....and hence Classical Jazz was christened.

He also answered to Jazz-a-roo, Jazzers, fella, my boy and pancake face or PF for short.

We brought Jazz home to our condo and quickly became very attached to him.

I loved coming home everyday from work to find him curled up in the fruit bowl on the kitchen table. Hygienic? No, but damn did he look cute!

I thought Jazz was the most beautiful cat in the world. So much so that I entered him in a cat show. Jazz and I spent the weekend with surrounded by crazy cat people (we weren't crazy of course) and after two days of brushing, fluffing and primping Jazz he did come home with a ribbon. (He won 6th place or something) I decided after that weekend that I didn't need a room full of judges to tell me what I already knew...Jazz was the best cat ever!

When we purchased our first home a year later and Jazz had to put up with not only Doug and I, but also my brother and his friend Chris, who both came to live with us for a year and spent most of their time lazing about the couch and getting in Jazz's way.

Most people like having cats because they are so easy to have around and if you want to go away for a few days, you can just leave them enough water and food and they will be fine.

I didn't like to leave Jazz very often, but on the few occasions that I did...I would come home to find Jazz really pissed off at me. He would find a way to get back at me by breaking my valuables. Once he even climbed up on the ledge over my entrance way and edged my beautiful, black wedding present vase off the shelf for me to find broken as soon as I walked in the door.

He would also climb on the counter (again only when I had been away) and paw my drinking glass off the counter and onto the floor trying to break it in front of me.

Knowing Jazz did not like to be left at home I often found responsible cat sitters to take care of Jazz when we had a vacation planned.

Lisa and Eldon offered a few times to take care of Jazz and loved having him around so much...Lisa bought Eldon a cat for his birthday a few years ago. I know Eldon loves Maddy and Maddy has provided a sense of fulfillment to their lives. They both credit Jazz for showing them the joy a pet can bring into a home.

Jazz was an indoor cat, but occasionally liked to venture outdoors for a bit of exploring and adventure. We had just moved into a new home and Jazz wanted to go outside and into the back yard. I was sitting in the kitchen with Jenna who was only about two at the time when we heard a huge thump against the door. The door accidentally closed from the wind, so I ran to the door to open it and saw Jazz racing across the back lawn, chasing the neighbor's German Shepard, tail between it's legs back under the fence and under their deck. For weeks every time someone came to the house Jenna would race up to them and exclaim, "Jazz, door, bad dog, fence, good Jazz!" Obviously this traumatic story needed to be told over and over.

Jazz was such a great cat. Every year we would pack up the van and take Jazz on a six hour car trip to our family cabin in Shuswap. Jazz loved to wander outside and explore the great outdoors, but usually after an hour he was ready to come back inside and curl up in his favorite chair. One night however, Jazz must have snuck past us and was still outside when we all went to bed. I awoke to a loud screeching noise outside my window and jumped up to see what the heck was going on. It was pitch black outside. I couldn't see a thing, but my mother who had also heard the commotion ran to the door and opened it......in came flying Jazz. Fur sticking straight up, hair amiss and looking very shaken. It was then I saw the big,fat raccoon running away from the cabin. Funny, Jazz stopped going outside for a couple of years.

When Doug and I separated four years ago we decided on joint custody. The only way I survived being alone in my house was because I had Jazz to love and comfort me. Until then Jazz usually slept on the couch or on the floor outside my room, but once Doug and the girls were gone, Jazz started sleeping every night on my bed. I loved how he would crawl up on my chest and purr into my face...assuring me all would be well.

Three years ago, Jazz became quite sick just as I was taking possession of my new condo. I was so worried that he wouldn't survive the move and he spent three days in the Fish Creek Pet Hospital. I really needed him to get better and once he did...I swear the next three years were the best of his life.

One night shortly after I moved into the condo...and had been dating Paul for eight months, we came home from an evening out. I went upstairs to brush my teeth and came back downstairs to find Paul sitting on the floor, telling Jazz how much he loved me and how he promised Jazz he would always take care of me. I can't tell you how happy that made me!

Paul and I built and moved into a new home last summer. It was a freezing, cold miserable winter that I thought might never end. When it finally did Paul and I spent numerous weekends landscaping our backyard. Jazz was outside supervising every step of the way. When the lazy lawn was finally in, the patio blocks laid and the flowers planted...Paul carefully walked around the perimeter of the garden stepping carefully on each of the patio blocks outlining the garden. When he reached the end and went to turn around, Paul realized that Jazz followed him each step of the way. We laughed about this, but then were both surprised when the next day and each one following watched Jazz ask to be let out and then watched him gingerly walk down the stair and onto the patio wall where he would walk the circumference of the garden and then walk back inside. Both Paul and I loved to watch Jazz strut his stuff on the garden cat walk!

Two weeks ago Jazz jumped up on his usual spot on the couch and laid down on the heating pad we always set to low for him. I noticed his breathing seemed very heavy. I took him to the vet and was told that Jazz had a lot of fluid in his chest cavity. I don't want to talk to much about Jazz and his illness, but the family decided that after a week of watching Jazz get slower and slower, we agreed we didn't want Jazz to suffer. On Wednesday night we let both Jenna and Sierra spend some alone time with Jazz. Jenna wrote him a letter and then Paul and I took him back to the animal hospital where we stroked and petted Jazz until he went to sleep.

For 17 years Jazz was part of my day to day life. Every person who met Jazz remarked about what a nice cat he was. Hell, he was the best damn cat ever and we are going to miss him every day! For us October 21, 2009 was the day the music died!

We love you Jazz!

Permission to be cranky!

WOW!

Was I ever in a foul mood yesterday (and not because it's Thanksgiving this weekend)!

Let me give you a re-cap...

I got out of bed thirty minutes earlier than usual because Sierra asked me to wake her up early for "picture day" at school and after three unsuccessful attempts she finally awoke, sat up and burst into tears. Somehow it was my fault she wasn't able to respond to my first, second and third gentle pleas for her to get out of bed.

Paul left the house a few minutes later giving me an abrupt kiss and half-hearted goodbye because his mood was affected by the girls fighting in the bathroom, both trying to get ready at the same time.

I managed to leave the house on schedule, dropped Jenna off at her school and then was stuck in traffic for 45 minutes making me late (again) for work. I guess most people aren't expecting winter driving conditions the first week in October.

By mid-afternoon my contacts were bothering me, I had a headache and skipped grabbing a healthy lunch because the near white-out conditions outside my office had put me off leaving the building until absolutely necessary.

Left work to pick up the girls (two stops, not one) and just as I was waiting for Sierra to come out to the car, I rubbed my sore eye enough to have my contact lense come out and fall to the floor.

I somehow managed to get both of the girls a snack, both of them to dance on time and myself safely home driving with one eye closed.

I walked in the door, stripped by the washing machine and put on the warmest, cozyiest and flannelest pajamas I could find. ( I am pretty sure neither of those are real words, but they seemed the best word choices for today)

When I finally sat down in front of the television....I gave myself full permission to be in a bad, bad mood.

I was mad at the weather, mad at all of the other drivers, mad at my kids and just mad, mad, mad!

I was still mad when I had to go get Sierra from dance and found out that she in fact had been offered a ride home and turned it down. It would have been really nice not to have to go out in my pajama pants, get into my freezing truck and spend another forty minutes driving to and back from the dance studio.

I considered calling Lauren to tell her about my terrible day, but decided I wasn't even in the mood to vent about my frustrations, so it was funny when at that moment Lauren called me.

Lauren and I don't often talk in the evenings, so when I whined about my terrible day and mentioned that I had decided against calling her she told me she must have known I needed to talk.

We did talk and after a half an hour of my moaning and complaining...I started to feel better. Thanks Lauren!

Where am I going with this story...

Well, we all have experienced days like mine.

We all get stuck in traffic, argue with our loved ones, and want to blame outside influences on our problems.This is normal and I think it's okay to give ourselves permission to be in a bad mood, but when this happens I think we need to set some parameters.

First, Admit you are cranky and decide how long you are willing to feel sorry for yourself.

Second, Take responsibility for your feelings and try to not let your bad mood affect others. This means when you are in a bad mood tell the people around you...it's you, not them, so they don't think they have done something to offend you.

Third, Indulge yourself! Reward yourself with something that will make you feel better. Book a massage, phone a friend, eat icecream. It doesn't matter as long as it makes you feel like you are doing yourself a favor. And...don't feel guilty! If your best friend was upset...you would offer to do something for her or him to make them feel better....be your own best friend and give yourself a lift.

Last, Re frame your thoughts. When your time limit is up, you must re frame all of the negative thoughts you were having into positive thoughts.

Example, last night I was thinking about money and debt and how it seems I never have enough money, so this morning I kept repeating to myself...My income is always increasing, I always am able to pay my expenses and I have a enough money to enjoy a comfortable life.

After spending a day thinking and focusing on the negative aspects of your life it's important to spend an equal amount time focusing on what's positive in your life and reminding yourself that it's important to be grateful for all of the wonderful things your have in your life...once you have spent some time being grateful and thinking positive, you will realize...that maybe things just don't seem so bad afterall!

Oh yeah, and it doesn't hurt to apologise to anyone who you think may have been affected by your negativity!

Just a thought!
Happy Thanksgiving!

I Love You, But....

So a man walks into a relationship and says to his woman...."I love you, want to marry you and then would like to spend the rest of our lives together trying to change you!"

Get it?

Ummm...your answer should be no! That's the point. The joke is....that this would never happen.

I just read an article from Jari Love, fitness expert in which she claims, "Women marry men to change them and men marry women not to change!"

Why is this I wonder? Why do we have this need to fix our men?

We meet a guy, we like him and yet we feel some need to change them.

Do we think we are smarter than men?

Do we think we know how to do things better than they do?

Why can't we just accept the guy for who he is?

Would we be happy if our boyfriend/husband wanted us to change?

What if they only wanted us to be the best version of ourselves that we could be...
maybe they just want us to be healthier (skinnier), or they just want us to have fun and relax a little more (not worry so much about everything and stress out). Perhaps they think we would be happier if we dressed better, shopped less, cooked and cleaned more....it really doesn't matter....we know damn well that we wouldn't like our partner telling us to change.

So, why then do we expect them to change?

It's not like we want or need them to be like someone else....

We usually just want them to not be themselves. How terrible is that?

However, I have heard women remark, "Why can't you be more like Jim, or Bob wouldn't do that... or how about, Gee! Mark just sent Susie a dozen roses to her work. I wish you would send me flowers."

Now don't get me wrong...I think that there are times when it's appropriate to teach someone a lesson or give someone advice. If I was using a word incorrectly for example, I would want someone to take me aside and tell me to prevent me making the same mistake in the future.

But...as for trying to get our men to be what we want them to be....it's just never going to work!

Unless it's their idea, they are not going to want to eat less, drink less, or smoke less and they are certainly not going to want to exercise more, talk more or help out more.

We should spend less time trying to change them and more time appreciating them for who they are!

Just a thought!